Aussie Insults

• He had a head on him like a sucked mango.

• May your chooks turn into emus and kick your dunny down.

• He's got a few roos loose in the top paddock.

• So stupid that he wouldn't know a tram was up him 'til the bell rang!

• Couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery.

• Pull your lip over your head and swallow!

• As ugly as a hat full of arseholes.

• If I had a dog that looked like him, I'd shave it's arse and make it walk backwards.

• Got a face like a bashed in shit can.

• Couldn't tell his ass from a hole in the ground.

• Couldn't drive a greasy stick up a dog's arse.

• Couldn't organise a f**k in a brothel with a fist full of fifties.

• About as useful as a one-legged man in an arse- kicking competition.

• I'll kick your! bum till your nose bleeds!

• A stubbie short of a six pack." "Seen better heads in a piss trough.

• You're as handy as shit on a stick." "Tighter than a fish's arse.

• So tight that he wouldn't shout if a shark bit him.

• Face like a smashed crab.

• As ugly as a bulldog chewing a wasp.

• He could talk a dog off a meatwagon.

• F**ked in the head.

• You've got a head like a half-eaten pastie.

• He wouldn't go two rounds with a revolving door.

• Mate, she's as rough as a pigs breakfast.

• Your face is like a twisted ugg boot.

• He's got a face like a cat licking shit off a thistle.

• She's been hit with the ugly stick too many times.

• She's two pick handles wide.

• An arse like two pigs fighting in a sugar bag.

• As ugly as a bag of spanners.

• You've got a head like a dropped pie.

• He thinks his shit don't stink, but his farts give him away.

• I wish his dad had settled for a blow job.

• Fell out of the ugly ! tree, and hit every branch on the way down.

• Your the load your mother should have swallowed

• If I had a head like yours I'd circumcise it.

• Wouldn't know if someone was up him sideways with an armful of deck chairs.

• As thick as two short planks!

• You got a head like a busted watermelon

• I hope your ears turn into arseholes and shit on your shoulders.

• Not enough brains to give 'imself a headache!

• About as useful as tits on a bull.

• You must be the world's only living brain donor.

• He's a few wanks short of an orgasm.

• She had more pricks than a second hand dartboard.